Saturday marks the beginning of the 2015-2016 season of the Barclays Premier League, the top division in English football [technically British, with one Welsh side, Swansea, in the league]. US rights to live coverage of the league’s matches were acquired by NBC in 2012, and the network has seen huge growth in viewership of its broadcasts from year to year.

Which means in the coming months you’re increasingly likely to overhear conversations in the elevator or lunch line such as:

“Dodgy penalty for Rooney Saturday against Spurs; what a flopper.”

“No chance. It was a clear trip in the box. Well deserved.”

Or:

“What the hell is Stoke doing in a 5-3-2? What a bore.”

“They’ve been defensive minded for years! Thugs.”

Which is why if you want to stay relevant in the culture you’d better start boning up on your footie. A good place to start is to select a team to support. There are a number of ways to go about such a momentous decision.

The old American standby: Pick a demonstrated league champion. Your chances are better than you might imagine. Since 1992, when the top league was rebranded from the typically British and bland League One, only five teams have won the Prem, and one of those teams [Blackburn Rovers] is now plying their trade in England’s second division [called The Championship — go figure]. So, if you want a safe choice go with either of the Manchesters, City or United, or the London-based powerhouses Chelsea or Arsenal.

Celebrity supporters: LeBron James owns a little piece of Liverpool Football Club [which happens to be my team]. So if you’re a big LeBron fan that might be for you. It was reported recently that Snoop Dogg is a Norwich City fan, so that factoid might be worth your consideration. Paul McCartney supports Everton, Liverpool’s intra-city rival, while AC/DC lead singer Brian Johnson is a Newcastle United man. The President of the free world, it’s worth noting, is a West Ham United fan, otherwise known as a “Hammer.” Here’s a handy reference guide should you prefer this method.

American associations: It’s quite possible one of your beloved American sports teams has some loose [or close] ties to a Prem team. The Glazer family owns Manchester United as well as the Tampa Bay American football franchise, so if you’re a hapless Buccaneers fan you might counter that with the happiness of some Manchester United success. John Henry owns both the Boston Red Sox and my Liverpool team, natural cousins given both cities’ Irish roots. You might also consider Everton or Aston Villa because of their American goalkeepers [Tim Howard and Brad Guzan, respectively], or Tottenham Hotspur for their employment of Deandre Yedlin, an up-and-coming American defenseman.

The underdog: While it may seem tedious to follow a league that has been won by only five teams in its 24 years of existence, there are many reasons to follow other teams. You see, professional sports in England and throughout Europe are rooted in … capitalism! Relegation is the great motivator, known by its more dreaded moniker, “the drop.” In the Prem, if your team can’t manage to finish in the top 17 out of 20, they will be shipped off to the next division below. If this happens you and your fellow supporters will cry, you will be cursing your owner for being cheap, and you will be blaming your manager and five or six of your players for thoroughly disrespecting the loyalty of you and your fellow supporters. But that’s what makes the whole damn enterprise worth watching. As a fan of the San Diego Padres baseball team, what do I have to look forward to every year? A fourth or fifth place finish in the division. Ho-hum. But if 5th place meant being relegated to Triple AAA, I’d be more likely to pay attention until the end of the season with desperate hope for my team to finish … 4th. So, if you’re up for that sort of emotional rollercoaster you might consider supporting one of this year’s promoted teams. There must be replacements for those teams that suffer the drop, so the top teams from lower leagues move up a division. Promoted teams are, however, generally seen as favorites to go right back down the following year. [Capitalism!] So you might consider jumping on the bandwagon of Bournemouth, Norwich City, or West Bromwich Albion. West Brom, by the way, are known as a classic “yo-yo” team for their propensity to go up, then down, then back up, presumably lining the pockets of psychiatrists scattered throughout the town of West Bromwich, England.

Europe: While the big prize each year is the league championship, there are additional trophies to be awarded. Not insignificant is finishing in the top four of the Prem, which earns one’s team a spot in what is affectionately referred to as “Europe.” While each European country has its own domestic league, UEFA, the less-corrupt, European son of FIFA, runs a super-league consisting of all the top clubs throughout Europe, the Champions League. The extra cash earned from the additional matches allows teams to buy more and better players and is in part why the top teams tend to stay near the top from year to year. The Champions League also has a poor cousin, the Europa League, for second tier teams from across the continent. This year’s candidates for pipping the Manchester and London giants for a top four spot or landing a spot in Europe include Swansea, Stoke City, Tottenham Hotspur, Crystal Palace, Southampton, Everton and my beloved Liverpool FC. If you happen to land on Tottenham [known as Spurs], you will witness the subtle of magic of one Harry Kane, a home-grown striker who will be shouldering the misplaced hopes of a nation in international competitions in the coming years.

The cup run: What dreams are made of. The English FA Cup competition is the oldest football competition in the world, having first been staged in 1871-72. The brilliance of the FA Cup can be found in its format. Teams at all levels that maintain their membership in the English Football Association are eligible. You could have a “minnow,” say an amateur team sponsored by a plumbers union in a small village, play one of the top teams in the league if the amateurs manage to progress far enough in the competition. Half the battle is an exercise in avoidance. You’d prefer your favorite Premier League team not be the laughingstock splashed across the front pages of the dailies, such as what happened to Arsenal in 1992 when they lost to lowly Wrexham. The great thing about the cup is everyone’s got a chance. That could be your team’s downfall as well. There is also the League Cup, a similar tournament limited to teams in England’s four professional leagues. The top clubs tend not to take the League Cup too seriously, presenting opportunities for teams further down the table.

Finally, a disclaimer. There are a lot more people who know a lot more stuff about English football than I do, including a 13-year-old who happens to live in my house. Take it all with a grain of salt. Nevertheless, pick a team. Learn the language. Impress your friends.